1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.

2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.

3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.

4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.

5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.

6. I was up all night arguing with God.

7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.

8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.

9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.

10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car.

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